Life Changes Once Again

So... I haven't posted in a while.  In my defense, a LOT of things have been happening recently.  First and foremost:  Rob got a full-time position offer at an amazing job in Colorado......... so we're moving!  I don't really know how to feel about this right now.  I'm SO excited on one hand - back to my home state, my friends, my family, the mountains, the nature, all of the things I know (or at least knew).  On the other hand, I have made a life for myself here - great friends, a career I love (that doesn't want me to leave), our very first OWNED home.  I've spent much of the last few weeks alternating crying from happiness and sadness. 

With all of this grand news, I have been kept super busy looking for a new job in Colorado and trying to get our house ready to go on the market.  As of today, our house is for sale!  Rob and I put a lot of work into cleaning, organizing, fixing, packing, and readying the house.  Rob left for Colorado yesterday.  This morning, the house had its first showing.

I've spent most of today crying.  I am not crazy about strangers having full access to my house when I'm not home (I'm guess I'm still not recovered from the break-in), and I'm also upset that I really can't relax in my own home.  I have to live in my house without really showing that I live in my house.  I don't know.  I guess the main thing that is causing my waterworks is the fact that Rob and I are having to sell our first home - the one we saved up for and worked so hard to get.  And in this housing market, we probably won't make a single dime off of it.  Rob says the new apartment in Lakewood is decent enough, but it's so hard to go from something you own - something that is truly yours - to sharing walls with noisy neighbors.  Here I am feeling sorry for myself - what can I say, it's just been a super emotional last couple of weeks.  We've already done a couple 'goodbyes', (though I will hopefully get to see those guys again - I'll still be here for a while finishing out the school year).  I can't imagine saying goodbye to most of my friends here in KC.  I know that it isn't going to be the last time I'll see them, but it hurts all the same. 

The positive big picture I'm trying to keep in mind is that Colorado WILL be (it HAS to be!) the place where Rob and I really plant our roots and raise a family and make our own.  Rob has never really had a place to call his "hometown", and I am happy to be back to my home state and begin that life stage with him.  In the meantime, though, don't mind my puffy eyes and cry face, please. 

Fingers crossed for a GREAT offer on our house and an AMAZING new job for me!

Kate Suarez: weepy, frazzled, and optimistic for an amazing future!

A Series of Interesting Events

What interesting last few days I have had!  I've been on my own these last few weeks, and forced to hold down the fort as best as I could.  I've realized, if I was single, I would think long and hard before I bought a house or at least one with a large yard on my own.  I've been mowing the lawn a bit, and I noticed that I cut the grass about as well as I shave my legs: patchy at best with some missing sections.  In my defense, I have had to avoid recently fertilized areas, but I can't seem to figure out how to use the edger (I'm blonde, give me a break!).

This Friday was super exciting at the end of the day.  My students were enjoying a little cookie and as I am getting my students ready to get in line to go out to the bus, I notice one of the students choking, and she was ghostly white.  She managed to gasp out "I.  Can't.  Breathe!", and so I started smacking her back and encouraging her to cough.  Then she stopped gasping, as she wasn't getting any air in at all.  My years of lifeguard training must have kicked in, and I immediately took her aside and gave her the Heimlich.  It was so weird - I was completely calm, and after a little piece of cookie (and lots of slobber) came out, I just started shaking, and I had a stomach ache all weekend after the adrenaline rush.  I always wondered when I was taking those CPR/First Aid classes - would I really be able to keep my cool in an emergency situation?  Amazingly, I was.  It was like something just took over me, and I was cool as a cucumber.  Thank God, my student is just fine, and not freaked out at all.  Hopefully I will never have to do that again!!

So after all of that insanity, I have had a pretty vanilla weekend.  Yet in the midst of doing laundry this morning, I came downstairs to change loads and noticed water everywhere!  I called the Rotor Rooters, and it turns out that in these old houses, the floor drains and house trap (yeah, I still don't really know what that is) clog very easily.  Since I've been bacheloretting it up lately too, not as much water has been running through our pipes, so it made the clogs even worse.  So basically, I need to pee/shower more often, and use crappier toilet paper.  Luckily, the clog is fixed (knock on wood!), but the basement reeks.  Sigh.  That balancing crap - save a life, flood the basement.  Oh well.  Hooray for the Real Housewives of New Jersey marathon!  Life is still good. ;)

Kate Suarez: lifesaver, often unshowered bachelorette.

Putain!

Ok, so after this big vow to renew myself (and write often), I realized, it has been close to two weeks since I've posted!  Jeez.  So here we are...

I got to spend a fabulous weekend with Rob, who was finally able to come back to the house after being away for more than five weeks!  Yay!  While we didn't do anything especially fun, (Rob spent most of Sunday doing taxes while I mowed the lawn and killed weeds) it was actually nice to do "normal" things around the house, and not make it more or less a vacation stay.  I will say, though, it was weird to have him back in the house, and the kitty had a hard time giving Rob back the side of the bad he claimed after he left.  But anyways, we went to the movies, cooked dinner, walked around the Plaza, and snuggled a lot.  I really missed him, and it felt good to have him back for a nice (albeit short) visit.

Work has been going well - we've been really working on story writing in the morning, and the kiddos are trying so had to write in French, and I'm so proud of them!  I've also received a lot of awesome artwork, as displayed above.  The top one is a heart that is supposed to say "Je t'aime, Madame Suarez" (I love you, Madame Suarez).  The bottom one was created on one of those frozen pizza cardboard sheets, and it is a picture of me.  I LOVE IT!

Here we are 9 weeks away from the end of the year, and I still have some students mispronouncing my name.  I get "Madame Saress", "Madame Scorss" (???), "Madame Sore-ass" (lovely) "and my favorite, "Madamasaurus".  That's Madamasaurus REX, children! 

Here I am:
Kate Suarez, dinosaur (?), slacker, fine art collector. 

The Balance of Things

Life is funny.  I believe a bit in the balance of all things.  Today was one of those days where the 'ups' were 'up' and the 'downs' were 'down'.  For some reason, my class decided to try to kill me with volume and energy today, I'm convinced of it.  I had a total Kindergarten Cop moment, where I just yelled "STOOOOOOOOOOOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  I felt bad, because I really don't want to yell at the kids (for real!), but at that moment, I had lost all patience, and I could feel the blood rising up my arms, to my neck, to my head.  I apologized to my students for losing my cool, and the kids genuinely felt bad for their behavior.  When I asked them how much recess time they deserved, even the most well-behaved student said "hmmm... maybe 4".  Karma, baby.

As much as they drove my blood pressure up today, my kiddos are truly warm-hearted, and I really do love them.  I kid you not, one of them came to give me a hug today and said "this kind of hug usually lasts an hour, I hope you don't mind."  I almost cried!  Balance, balance, balance. 

So I am sitting here with a warm belly after a delicious (solo) home-made soft taco dinner.  My report cards are done, the dishwasher is going, and my baby Oreo is purring.  I'll take the scale of life tipped a little on the "good and easy" side any day.  Life is pretty good. 

Here I am:

Kate Suarez: chef de cuisine, momma cat, cuddle lover.

Your Daily Awesomeness

Even though my students were out-of-control-crazy today, I had a couple of truly awesome moments.

We picked out the song that we are going to sing for the end of the year all-school show, and it is going to blow everyone away, it's so freakin' cute.  It is the story of the 3 Little Pigs set to Lady Gaga's "Poker Face".  How adorable are a gaggle of 5 and 6-year-olds singing to Lady G en français??? 

Also, I have realized I may be a really mean teacher, but at least teaching my kids something, because I got this hilarious email from a mom today:

Hi Kate!

I thought you might get a kick out of this:  this morning, [Student] was telling me about a dream she had last night. For some reason, the kids must've gotten in trouble because you were taking all their Pokemon, all their silly bands, all their toys from their backpacks!  It was a bad dream.

But here's the part I like -  she was DREAMING IN FRENCH !   I don't think she even realized it as she was telling me(and translating) everything you were saying in the dream!  Pretty fun.

Hope all your dreams are happy.

How awesome is that?  I love my kiddos and classroom parents.  Today I also had a student say, "You're the BEST teacher I ever had!".  Well kiddo, I'm the ONLY teacher you've ever had!  That's why I like kindergarten - get 'em while they're young so they have nothing else to compare you too, and they love you no matter what! :)  

Here's the jist:

Kate Suarez - little monster, (successful for the moment) French teacher, silly band confiscator...

This Is Where It Begins

So, I begin this journey on March 26, 2011.  I've been toying with starting a blog for a long time now, and I think now is as good a time as any.  I entitle this blog after one of my favorite Barenaked Ladies songs, because I think it kind of sums me up.  Sometimes, I am just so afraid of letting people in and letting all of myself show, because I am so afraid of being judged.  This is where that ends.  After this past year or so, I realize I need to let my guard down, hold my chin up high, and recharge my life.  Thus begins my blog/journal journey.  I feel as though I need to have a 'true renewal' à la Ramona Singer from the Real Housewives of New York.  Ok, so I know that it is already the end of March, but I'm ready for a fresh start and some new resolutions. 

With Rob in Colorado, I have had a lot of time on my own to think about life and the place that I am at now.  This year has been tough.  Rob lost his job last May, we got our beloved Suburban stolen, our house was broken into, we had credit card fraud, and I got pneumonia and scabies.  While I've spent most of the last year eating my feelings and feeling sorry for myself, I had a moment of realization this week that sucker punched my right square in the gut.  What the hell do I really have to feel sorry for?  I have a great life, and the only thing that is preventing me from enjoying it 100% of the time is me. 

Last night I got a text from my best friend, and while it possibly may have been a drunk text, she said, and I quote, "I would pay $200 every month to hang out with you regularly."  Meaning, she would pay for a plane ticket to see me every month - I am not Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman!  After laughing out loud for a good five minutes, I actually got serious and began to think - would I hang out with myself for $200 a month?  I really don't know. So in order to be able to say "Hell yes!" as a response, I begin my renewal.

Here are some goals:

I plan to write my thoughts and happenings down more often.  If not for myself, for my future children so they can see what their mom was like in the 'olden days'. 

I want to make a better effort to be a better friend, and be more involved in their lives.  I don't want to miss important moments.  I want to be someone that my friends can count on for anything.

I want to be more outgoing.  I want to (gulp) take more risks and enjoy life a little more.  Drink wine, be merry, smile more, talk to strangers, be bold.

I want to stop feeling sorry for myself and sulking.  What good is that accomplishing anyways?

Instead of talking about what I want/should do someday (like trips, dreams, aspirations), I will start making them happen!  Hell, I am always thinking about little things like "I should join a book club"... that is so easy to do.  I am woman, hear me roar!

I'm sure that I will add more to this list as time goes by, but I want to let these goals sink in and get to work on making it happen.  So I leave to you with my status at this moment:

Kate Suarez, 26 year old daughter, wife, kindergarten teacher (get ready for some funny stories about that).  This is where it ends... for now.