So, I begin this journey on March 26, 2011. I've been toying with starting a blog for a long time now, and I think now is as good a time as any. I entitle this blog after one of my favorite Barenaked Ladies songs, because I think it kind of sums me up. Sometimes, I am just so afraid of letting people in and letting all of myself show, because I am so afraid of being judged. This is where that ends. After this past year or so, I realize I need to let my guard down, hold my chin up high, and recharge my life. Thus begins my blog/journal journey. I feel as though I need to have a 'true renewal' à la Ramona Singer from the Real Housewives of New York. Ok, so I know that it is already the end of March, but I'm ready for a fresh start and some new resolutions.
With Rob in Colorado, I have had a lot of time on my own to think about life and the place that I am at now. This year has been tough. Rob lost his job last May, we got our beloved Suburban stolen, our house was broken into, we had credit card fraud, and I got pneumonia and scabies. While I've spent most of the last year eating my feelings and feeling sorry for myself, I had a moment of realization this week that sucker punched my right square in the gut. What the hell do I really have to feel sorry for? I have a great life, and the only thing that is preventing me from enjoying it 100% of the time is me.
Last night I got a text from my best friend, and while it possibly may have been a drunk text, she said, and I quote, "I would pay $200 every month to hang out with you regularly." Meaning, she would pay for a plane ticket to see me every month - I am not Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman! After laughing out loud for a good five minutes, I actually got serious and began to think - would I hang out with myself for $200 a month? I really don't know. So in order to be able to say "Hell yes!" as a response, I begin my renewal.
Here are some goals:
I plan to write my thoughts and happenings down more often. If not for myself, for my future children so they can see what their mom was like in the 'olden days'.
I want to make a better effort to be a better friend, and be more involved in their lives. I don't want to miss important moments. I want to be someone that my friends can count on for anything.
I want to be more outgoing. I want to (gulp) take more risks and enjoy life a little more. Drink wine, be merry, smile more, talk to strangers, be bold.
I want to stop feeling sorry for myself and sulking. What good is that accomplishing anyways?
Instead of talking about what I want/should do someday (like trips, dreams, aspirations), I will start making them happen! Hell, I am always thinking about little things like "I should join a book club"... that is so easy to do. I am woman, hear me roar!
I'm sure that I will add more to this list as time goes by, but I want to let these goals sink in and get to work on making it happen. So I leave to you with my status at this moment:
Kate Suarez, 26 year old daughter, wife, kindergarten teacher (get ready for some funny stories about that). This is where it ends... for now.
Great post, Kate! What a fantastic commitment/resolution. We'd love to be part of your evolution, whether that's by taking risks with you, joining/forming a club or otherwise. Although, I only read about two pages a night right now, so I don't think I'd be a very good book club participant..... :S -Maggie
ReplyDeleteFor the last few months, I have made a commitment to myself to read at least 5 pages or so every night before I go to bed. While that doesn't always happen (hello wine/sex/way too tired), I find it to be a good way to wind down. Keep in mind, my latest literary ventures have been "US Weekly" and teen fiction like "Twilight" and my personal fave, "The Hunger Games" trilogy. It's like candy for my soul... :)
ReplyDeleteKate! I so love this :) You are motivating me, too.
ReplyDeleteI'm loving it too! And it was not a drunk text I was just really wanting to hang out :)
ReplyDeleteAlso, I am obsessed with the Hunger Games trilogy too. I am almost done with the second book.
Let me know how I can help you reach some of these goals!
Bonsoir Madame Suarez !
ReplyDeleteThis blog is really a great idea, I really like the way you write (and dance, and sing, and teach, and smile, and drink...) but there is something that I don't get when you say that you want to stop feeling sorry for yourself and sulking.
I have never heard you complain about anything, in one year I have never seen you throwing the towel. Even during the difficult moments you had to deal with you have always kept the smile.
I have to tell you that I have always admirated that courageous behavior and every time I am sad I remember you saying "ça ne sert à rien d'être triste, il faut avancer !" and that makes me smile instead of cry.
So of course it happens that you feel sorry for yourself but sometimes life is hard and it's normal to be sad and to sulk a little bit. The most important is to keep moving up and I know you will because you are not a quitter. You are a beautiful person, you are very strong and maybe more that you think and I can tell that you are not a mourner but a great, great, girl.
I am really proud to know you.
Tu es la meilleure !